My excitement as at a high peak with the impending arrival of tonight's mid season premiere of The Walking Dead. For months I have replaying Beth's untimely cliff hanging demise in my head as I've been caring for my 9 month old. The more recap marathons we've watched, the more abundantly clear it has become to me that zombies and babies are very similar beings. Let me illustrate how:
1. They're pale. Let's start with the obvious, they both need a tan. Zombies have a lack of blood flow after turning which has left their lifeless bodies lackluster white. Babies can't go in the sun because their fresh skin is too delicate, thus leaving them pasty.
2. They walk like drunk people. Babies are clearly not drunk but rather lacking fine motor skills as their tiny bodies grow. Zombies, may or may not have been drunk when they turned, but something about becoming lifeless has left them unable to walk upright or in a straight line.
3. Their "speech" is undecipherable. Having lost all brain function has zombies unable to formulate words. Babies on the other hand don't know how to say words yet, so they often just grunt. In either case, they both make noise that is equally as moan like as it impossible to understand.
4. They don't discriminate what they out in their mouths. A zombie's quest for blood and a baby's undeveloped taste buds leave a plethora of victims in their wake. People, pets and (most recently from my son) lint from a garbage are no match for these two. If they can grab it, it goes in their mouth. Watch out for teething babies though, those suckers are sharp!
5. They are disease ridden. Some, if not all, zombies carry a disease. I mean, they're undead, they didn't just wake up that way. One passes it to another, to another and before you know it, they're all infected. No herd immunity there. Babies on the other hand seem to be magnets for disgusting. They're constantly sharing their runny noses on the playground and if your kid is in daycare, forget about it... Just lick their little fingers and succumb to the strep throat now.
6. They're unaffected by injury. How many times have you seen a zombie shot in movie just to see it get back up? It's crazy, just like watching my son stand up and fall flat on his face, time and time again, just to get back up. This kid has fallen off the couch, been stepped on by the dog and face planted a wall in pursuit of walking, unscathed. Apparently, they are rubber and we are the glue.
Watch this clip, hilarious! http://youtu.be/Zohqw7RTeSQ
7. They react to lights and sounds. Since zombies are dead so they rely on theses signals to attract them to their food. When seeing light or hearing loud sounds, they react by hunting, hoping to find some delectable flesh. Babies LOVE lights and sounds. As their senses develop the more flashy the lights or energetic the sounds, the more likely a baby is to react with playfulness. If you want to hide from a zombie or your baby, move slowly and quietly in a dark room.
There you have it, how I have noticed my son is like that if the undead!
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